I would say more, but it’s not quite funny yet. Let’s have some laws, shall we?

New York

• New York, by statute, does not issue licenses to same-sex couples. In 2004, the mayor of New Paltz, NY, Jason West, decided to preside over the marriages of about two dozen same-sex couples. He was charged with 19 violations of New York’s Domestic Relations Law. [via California Yankee] The State Attorney General ordered the marriages to stop, and in 2006, the state court decided, in Hernandez v. Robles, that it was not a violation of the state constitution to deny licenses to same-sex couples. In 2008 there was a ruling that same-sex marriages performed outside of New York were entitled to legal recognition in New York. The appeals court decided unanimously not to review the case, and to date same-sex marriages from other states (like ours) are recognized in New York. In addition, there is no domestic partner registry in New York, but same-sex partners are allowed to visit each other in the hospital and are given priority for the disposing of each other’s remains.
• Same-sex partners who are not married are allowed to make medical decisions for one another in the case of an incapacitated partner, as a close friend. Others, like parents and adult children, are given priority. A health care proxy may be assigned to a partner if the proxy is named in writing and signed by the individual and two adult witnesses.
• Unmarried couples, including same-sex couples, and married same-sex partners may adopt in New York. A 2002 decision in the courts affirmed the rights of same-sex couples to adopt. In 1995 a court in NY decided that same-sex co-parents could adopt each other’s biological children.
• There is no New York law concerning issuing of new birth certificates upon sexual reassignment surgery, but in practice new certificates are granted.
• New York hate crimes law specifically mentions sexual orientation, but not gender identity.
• Some gender identity discrimination cases have been pursued in New York on the basis of sex, but there is no specific prohibition against discrimination on the basis of gender identity. There is protection for sexual orientation.
• School violence is generally prohibited, but there are no specific protections for kids on the basis of their sexual orientation or gender identity. [via HRC unless otherwise specified]

New Jersey

• New Jersey does not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, but they have civil unions which confer all of the same state rights as married couples. This was due to a 2006 New Jersey Supreme Court ruling that said it was unconstitutional to deny same-sex couples the rights and responsibilities of marriage. There is no prohibition against recognizing same-sex marriages from other states, but no affirmation of the recognition, either.
• Civil union partners have the same rights as married couples in New Jersey concerning health care visitation, decision making, etc. Partners who have not had a civil union can name each other through health care advance directives, which must be signed and witnessed by two adults.
• Unmarried LGBT people may adopt in New Jersey. Couples can adopt jointly, and adopt each other’s children.
• New Jersey will issue a new birth certificate with a physician’s affidavit regarding sex change, and proof of name change.
• Hate crimes laws in New Jersey protect people on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity.
• You may not discriminate in New Jersey on the basis of either sexual orientation or gender identity.
• Safe schools laws in New Jersey also protect on the basis of both sexual orientation and gender identity.

Not bad, New Jersey, not bad.

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We’ve been through New Jersey, a vegetable oil spill (in the trailer kitchen after bumpy road), milky spills, some puppy spills–but now we’re all tucked in. And Ruby and I are married.

It’s hard to write about what marriage is. Regardless of a legal debate or a political battle.

Marriage is a many-colored flag. Marriage is certainly not a settled thing. And yet, its the language of settledness. It has a specific emotional gravity.

Yesterday, I walked into a travel plaza and saw an ice cream booth. I thought, If I get that and don’t get one for Ruby, she’ll be mad. But I could get her some and she’d be surprised and happy.

You won’t get the right flavor.

I know, I know. It’s chocolate yes, but only milk chocolate. No soft chunks, those are gross. Not usually fruity, though. Fruity is anti-climactic. Toffee and caramel are good, but only in thin ribbons. Mint chocolate chip. No, chocolate rule. Rocky Road. Marshmallow rule? Peach. No. Vanilla. No. Birthday Cake? Interesting dilemma, texture rule? Reeses mash? Peanut Butter trumps. Yes. Reeses mash. And I love that flavor.

I’m not sure there’s a rhetorical path here, but that’s marriage. That’s it, folks! And, it’s pretty awesome.

In fact, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I gave myself to someone, and I really dig her. She knows all the stuff I don’t. And she’s so cute. I love getting to hang out with her, and be married with her–it’s like Magnum PI married Angelina Jolie, and they had like a quiet, happy marriage in Portland, OR for 50 years.

We’re the best.

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